And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize