And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
