I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
