All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize