she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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