You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
