Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
