That's when you crack a 10am beer
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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