So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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