i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
