I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
