I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
