i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
