You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
