Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
