I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
