He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
