I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
