my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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