You're so nebulous sometimes
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize