i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
