look no pants
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
