I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
