just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
