He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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