tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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