You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
