i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
