Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
