I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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