im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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