When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
