to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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