can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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