...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
