I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
