Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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