no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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