I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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