Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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