Sacagawea was the original milf.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
