Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
In America we eat man semen.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
