oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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