Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
