i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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