Soap is not a condiment
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize