Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
