I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
