Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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