Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
