im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
