im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
