my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
