Got a toothbrush?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
