I wannas sexs uuuuu
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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