i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
His nipple licking is glorious
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