God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
