What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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