having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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