no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
