i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
