apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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