We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
