i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
