Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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