I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
