Define "chronic" masturbator.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
